Shut down AGAIN.... OR.... How on earth does anything happen in this country?...OR ..Do they just hate us and are trying to subtly get us to leave by being ridiculous?

So today I will take a break from the niceties of reminiscing about our plane trip and have a wee rant about this damn beaurocratic nightmare that we are in the midst of.  Who would think that flying long haul with 4 kids is actually easier and more enjoyable than navigating the paperwork Mt Everest that is the Belgian administrative system.

I am requiring a second coffee and lots of chocolate cake to feel calm enough to write anything....

Today was supposed to be D-Day (delivery of our identification numbers so we can actually participate as normal citizens and commence actually living in Brussels properly).  Sadly the high hopes and expectations which had built up after being dashed to pieces over the last few weeks were again destroyed by the town hall commune staff who appear to try everything in their power to avoid doing any actual work.

Here is a brief summary of how things work in Belgium as a foreign (non EU immigrant) as it is a little mind-blowing having experienced the efficiency of all things administrative in NZ and even Australia is looking positively awesome in this respect now.

When you arrive in the country, you have 10 days to present yourself and your family to the local commune (town hall).  (As we were arriving on the 29th December, we had a few public holidays in that time period to complicate matters). This registers your arrival in the local area.  Then they send a police man/lady to your address that you have registered at a random time of day sometime in the 1-3 weeks following this registration process. Then they give you an appointment to come back to the commune to get your ID number. Then they make your ID card, then life is rosy and all is good and we go singing away about how wonderful Belgium is. Sounds a bit of a process, but reasonably straight forward right?

Well, we were super organised and presented the day we arrived in Ixelles (central Brussels) where we had a one month lease on an apartment.  Foolishly thought that we had plenty of time to get through the process.... the Commune staff must have been spluttering into their coffees... After going to 3, yes 3, separate commune buildings (in the freezing cold-4 degrees, with 4 kids and D was still in the phase of only wearing shorts and crocs without socks on, no hat, no jacket which is another story) we finally found the correct building.  Only to find the queue out the door. I should also mention that they do not work very much.  The office closes at 1pm everyday and not open on weekends. There were 4 guichets (windows) with scrawled handwritten signs beside each.  Only 1 guichet was for foreignors but it was a little confusing what the others did as the queue was only for the 1 foreignor guichet and the other clerks appeared to not be very busy at all. We made it to the front and attempted using Dutch- not successful (Brussels is supposed to be a bilingual city but it is decidedly not). Pigeon french and english it was then.  All seemed to be straight forward, the guy looked at our passports and scrawled down mine and hubbys names and details on a scrappy piece of paper and then the kids names with " for the last name and no DOBs or other details.  Ok, interesting.  There did appear to be a computer behind the desk but it may just have been a decoration.  We were duly sent on our way and felt rather optimistic to have accomplished such a monumental task so quickly (fools I tell ya!).   I was then sent to stay home until such a time that the police deigned to visit me to prove that I was indeed living at this address. I was a little concerned that the commune guy may have just dumped the scrappy piece of paper in the bin, but apparently the visit was processed accordingly. The police visit happened surprisingly quickly and easily. She came on the 8th January.  I am not quite sure what happens if you are not home? Do they keep coming back? Do they make you wait longer?  Who knows. It is probably one of the deep dark mysteries of the Belgian beaurocracy and a strategy to inflict more pain on unsuspecting foreignors.

The police gave us an appointment dated 24th February! Yes - almost 7 weeks later. OMG. @*@#$* would it really take that long to get our identity numbers? Well it became even more complicated as our lease was until the 31 Jan and then we had to move and we were not going to be living in Ixelles (too far from school and from access to hubby's work) so on the 24th of February WE WERE NOT EVEN GOING TO BE RESIDENTS IN IXELLES ANYMORE so the whole damn process would grind to a halt.

Then came a period of extreme stress and drama as we searched for an apartment and 1 week before we had to leave Ixelles we still didn't have anywhere to live. (And as you usually sign 3-9 year leases on apartments plus pay a forfeit of 3 months rent if you leave within the first year, we really had to find the place where we wanted to stay).  Happily, we got an apartment in the area that I wanted - Berchem St-Agathe. This is the one rosy aspect of this story. I had visited the area and set my heart on living here. We managed to get approved to rent the one and ONLY available 3 bedroom apartment in the entire commune.  It has a population of 20,000 people, how can there be so few rentals available? And no houses at all to rent. I felt relieved and blessed that at least one good thing had happened along this process.

The day we got the lease agreement signed, we merrily skipped into the Berchem St Agathe commune to START THIS WHOLE IDENTITY CARD PROCESS AGAIN FROM SCRATCH.  Berchem borders on Flanders and supposedly has quite a high dutch speaking population compared to the rest of Brussels. As hubby's dutch is a thousand times better than my french I let him do the talking. Bad idea. Commune clerk #1 - zero dutch, so she got her colleague. Commune clerk #2- man who does not want to work and tries to avoid work at all costs, was not very helpful.  Apparently, da da dum, our lease agreement was NOT sufficient evidence of our  new address. Apparently, it had to be signed by the central registration office in Brussels. Back to the rental agency we went. They normally send it off for signing and it does not cost anything. How long does it take? I ask innocently. About a month or so, was the reply.  (aarg, eeekkkk lots of hand wringing and general heart palpitations). Ok, deep breaths, are we able to go ourselves in person to this agency and get it done? Yes! Although they seemed taken aback that anyone would want to do this ever.

Here's another rosy moment (cue happy music).  I went to the central office with my pigeon french (which also is only open very reduced hours) and the reception helpfully pointed where to go.  Then I did not have to wait long. Then the lady doing the registrations asked me if I had two copies. Heart in my mouth as I knew this MAY be a deal breaker and really I should have thought to make a gazillion copies before even attempting to get anything official done. But surprise upon surprise, it was not a problem and she even photocopied the document herself using her OWN photocopier. And with that it was done. I almost cried/kissed her/fainted. It was literally the first time we had accomplished anything at a first attempt without being sent away to get other random paperwork.

Back to the Berchem St Agathe commune we went. This time we knew not to speak dutch, this brought out unhelpful man who does not want to do any work. So pigeon french and lots of smiles and friendliness was on order. Mr 'don't want to do any work', suddenly became very Mr helpful and even gave me the direct number to the police station to call them to speed up the police visit if necessary.   Moral of the story- you MUST use French to get anything done in Brussels. even if it sounds like crap. And smile. A lot. Even if you feel like throttling them.  Which you will. Several times a day.

Life was looking good again. We settled into life in Berchem and I made a conscious effort to try and stay home in case I missed the random police visit.  We had specified that the visit should be before 3pm as that's when I leave to collect the kids from school.  After a few days into the first week, I get a little impatient so I called the police station. Turns out the one guy doing this job is not here for the rest of the week. Excellent.
Week two he finally shows up. Of course, he arrives at 3.05pm. I am outside walking along the pavement to the tram to collect the kids when I spot a policeman headed towards our apartment block. I race up to him to ask if he is here to visit me, and of course he is. I explain that I have to go get the kids from school. He asks if it is urgent. Duh, yes there is a reason I specified before 3pm.  But kindly he gave me his number to ring and he would come back that evening when I was home.

It was a lovely surprise to find out that we could go back to the commune only a week after this visit, instead of the 7 weeks that Ixelles had given us. So that brings up up to today, we merrily skipped back to the commune, a million documents in hand to cover every foreseeable possible request that they may have. Life was looking up. We knew we had to wait for the ID cards, but we had been told that we would get the ID numbers at the appointment. DA DUM DA. It is quite possible a national sport to try and make things as confusing as possible and as long and drawn out as possible for foreignors here. Mr helpful again was there and started speaking dutch to hubby. Think this must have jinxed everything as he was much more helpful when we were communicating in French. So apparently, we do NOT get the numbers today. We have to wait, oh another 3-4 weeks he thinks but its a bit vague, and then he will call us, and then another 3-4 weeks to get the ID cards made up. Yes, I kid you not. Crushed by the Belgian beaurocracy again.  There did not seem to be any official process to get the numbers. It quite possible that it is Mr don't want to do any work or one of his colleagues that has to get around to entering the information onto a computer. Oh wait, I am not sure they actually use computers as our file is a few pieces of paper with our photos taped to the inside of it that is kept in the commune building.In that case, it really is a mystery how the ID numbers get assigned. And of course it is "impossible" to speed things up at all. (although we can pay a bribe fee of 100eu to get the ID cards sooner).


So, despite my optimism from yesterday, we are still not registered residents of Brussels. We hope to get there before Christmas (trying to set my expectations very low so that we will be pleasantly surprised). ID numbers are essential for a lot of things but most importantly we are unable to pick up our car that we have bought and paid cash for and has been sitting in the dealers garage for the last 3 weeks, and will be there until we get the numbers.  I cannot put the kids names down on the waitlist for the school across the road from our apartment until we have the numbers. And we cannot access the family benefit scheme either which would be a very helpful addition to our finances while we are on such a minimum (slave labour) wage (in the name of training).

Would I wish the Belgian system on anyone? - only if I wanted to increase the number of admissions to mental institutions. For those that know us personally, we are normally very calm, unflustered and take everything within our stride, but this process has pushed us to limits that we never knew we had. I have no doubt that most people moving here have relocation experts, private companies and businesses who navigate this quagmire on behalf of them, and I am sure that it is quite manageable, albeit still a little frustrating with someone local holding your hand the whole way. We have had zero assistance from the workplace and had to do everything the most hardest possible way. It is certainly not a journey for the faint hearted.  No doubt it will become a laughing matter in the years to come, or a new low to which all other disasters will be compared to. I do have the foresight that this is just a phase to get through. THEY WILL NOT BREAK US -muwahahahahahha.  I will update when we make any more progress along this path...

Hopefully I have inspired others to move to Belgium too ;). hahahaha, I will write more about the good stuff soon I promise. Despite the above headaches (and a few others which I will update soon) we are really enjoying Belgium and living in a european city.  Brussels may not have a reputation as being one of the prettiest cities, but for me, walking around our little neighbourhood and the central areas, it is a feast for the eyes that does not exist downunder.